My little voice whines at me. Why do I have to go through all of these hardships? It’s not fairrrrrrr. The whiny voice, the victim, the little voice, the ego-they are all the same and they are all the opposite of my goddess voice.
They scream at me:
Why do I have to suffer from an eating disorder? Why do I have to suffer from depression? Why do I have to have menstrual problems? Why does life have to be so hard for me?
Ew. Wow. When written out like that is sounds so childish and whiny. Like honestly it’s not that bad. And all of those “haves”. I don’t “have” to do anything. I choose to feel this way I do. I choose to binge eat. I choose to feel depressed. I choose to oversleep. I choose to not get out of bed. I chose to see my menstrual irregularity as a problem. I choose to believe my life is hard.
Sounds kind of harsh right?
But it’s true. It’s the way I choose to see things and it’s what I believe.
And it’s also true,
It’s not that bad.
It could always always always be worse. I could have an addiction to drugs or alcohol rather than to sugar and food. I could have a terminal illness rather than a hormone imbalance. But this view is a double-edged sword. It comes with comparison. Comparison to other people’s problems and either seeing mine as worse than theirs or not as bad. This view comes with me feeling guilty for being so upset about my “little” and “not so serious” struggles. My little voice tells me, “C’mon Nancy seriously, what you are dealing with isn’t that bad.” She also tells me, “Since your issues aren’t that serious you can continue on with what you are doing.” But clearly this hasn’t been working out for me because I have been so unhappy.
It’s doesn’t matter what anyone else is thinking, saying, or going through. It’s all about how you see your current situation and how you allow it to affect you.
How you choose to see your current situation, whether it be good, bad or ugly, is everything. This is where true control and true strength come from. This has been extremely difficult for me because I am not used to consciously thinking about how I am choosing to see something and how I choose to fee,l but the more work I do on mindset and the more coaching and mentoring I receive, the better I get at all of this.
My little voice can also go the opposite route from “it’s not that bad and other people have it worse” and say, “Why me? It’s not fair I have to go through this. Everything is so hard for me.” Looking at it from the outside in, this whining is so extremely childish and definitely tapping into my little girl mentality. If I ask myself, why am I whining? Why am I complaining? Why am I feeling so small and helpless? The answer that comes to me is to feel better about myself. It’s like I am putting the responsibility on someone else and it’s not my fault. If I say, “It’s not fair.” And that “life is just too hard.” Than I don’t have to do anything about it. I can just sit around and pout and binge eat. This “why me” mindset and outlook is that all of this is happening to me rather than for me.
But is this really working out for me?
Is the pouting, the whining, the complaining, the feeling small and indignant, the binge eating working? Is it a good way to look at things, a good coping mechanism, a good way to live my life? Clearly not. So if it’s not working then a change is required. A change in how I view my situation and my struggles.
No more victim. No more whining. No more why me. No more poor me.
This pattern of thinking never got anyone anywhere happy and successful so it’s definitely not going to get me to a happy and successful place.
Today I acknowledge this and I work on it little by little. I am not going to be a master by next week or even next month but awareness is the first step in the right direction. And it’s all about direction. So I am putting that little pouty Nancy behind me day by day. She belongs in 1998.